You have been awake since 5 am. Feedings, diapers, laundry, meals, emails, feedings and more feedings. You plop into bed exhausted at 11 pm, praying your baby will sleep for five hours in a row. You glance over at your husband who has that little gleam in his eye. “Sex now? No way! Roll over and go to sleep dear!”
It’s a familiar scene for families with young children. As a mom, you are too tired for any kind of sex, let alone great sex. But you know a physical relationship with your husband is part of a healthy marriage. You feel badly for not desiring sex, but you’re too tired to do anything about it. So how can you rekindle your desire for intimacy, even with a new baby?
1. Put it on the back burner, but don’t forget about it. Having a baby does take a great amount of time, work and energy. Sex may have to go on the back burner when your baby has a need. But just like you wouldn’t leave food sitting on the back burner for weeks, don’t forget about sex completely. When the time isn’t right for you, tell your spouse you’d really like to make love another time, how about on the weekend? Set a real time and keep your commitment. Food left on the back burner will eventually go bad and the same is true about closeness in marriage if you neglect lovemaking too long.
2. Put your mind to it. Your brain weighs just over three pounds, but it has 12 billion cells with thousands of thoughts blazing through it each day. These thoughts determine what you think of yourself and what your actions will be. If you keep telling yourself, “I’m too tired to have sex” or “I don’t want my husband to see me naked,” guess what? You’ll act on these thoughts and avoid sex indefinitely. Why not think of yourself as a lover? Re-train your mind and paint a different picture of yourself as the woman your husband is dreaming about. Make a point of thinking each day, “I am a sexy woman, desired by my husband. I am looking forward to being intimate with my spouse.”
3. Put it on the calendar. When your baby has an appointment at the doctor’s office, do you go? Of course you do. Events written in the calendar with a specific time and place get done. The same applies to lovemaking. Start with putting one special time for romance with your husband in your schedule. Anticipate a great time together. You’ll be so energized and feel so close to your husband that you’ll be scheduling your next love appointment right away.
Having a new baby means making adjustments in your marriage. As you make time for sex, you’ll see your husband become more responsive to your needs. He’ll be doing more diapers and helping out with baby so you can get ready for your date nights at home. Now that’s something to get you in the mood!
Today’s Action Step: Talk to your husband about this article, “Sex and the New Mom.” Schedule a time in the next two weeks for lovemaking.